Baby’s Eyes

I went to visit a friend and her new grandbaby. She is so cute. The grandbaby that is. Lol. Have you ever just looked a brand new baby? I mean look at her and think this is what a brand new life looks like.

I looked at her like I look at my life. Rediscovering who I am. I watched this baby girl sleeping. No worries. Just complete contentment. Then she begins to open her eyes. Her eyesight a little foggy still as she faces all the newness that she is about to approach in life. Then she starts to smile a little as her vision starts to become clear. She starts to see that other people are smiling back at her. She is such a bundle of love.

This is how I look at my life today. I don’t have a worry in the world. I have what I need. I have enough. As I go through this phase of rediscovering myself, my eyes are still foggy. I am starting to see people smiling back at me as I open up my heart to love others and allowing myself to feel the love of others. My heart is filled with so much gratitude and love I could burst. I give myself permission to feel these positive vibes every day. When I do that, I feel the sense of freedom in my soul.

Life still goes on. Negativity still tries to enter my life. But I know how to handle that negativity today. There is a saying out there. I do not know who the author is so I take no credit. But the saying is….if you don’t want to do the dance, then don’t go to the dance. It’s that simple, imagine that!!

So today, I am looking at life through a brand new set of eyes. A brand new heart, mind, soul and spirit. Life is so good. I do hope everyone has a beautiful day. Love and Light ~ Susan

Regrets

The bridge to a new journey

For a little while there I was thinking that I was feeling guilty about not being a good enough parent. In all actuality I was feeling regret. Regret for not being good enough. Regret for me is something I wish I had done but didn’t for instance, being a parent that was present. Or just being a parent.

Let me share this, I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. As the saying goes, back in the day, I had only one thing on my mind. Getting high or drunk. Being a parent was the last thing on my mind.

I brought four beautiful children into this world. But I cannot take credit in bringing them up or nurturing them into the people they have become. I wasn’t available to them the way I wish I could have been. Every day I struggled to be there for them but my guilt kept me away. So I tried to drink that guilt away. The more I drank the further away I became.

It wasn’t until I got into recovery that I realized what I had done. I carried guilt on my shoulders for so many years. I stopped carrying that guilt when I realized that I cannot change the past I can only change the future.  Today I feel regret.

I watch my children being parents to their own children today. Somedays I wish I could have been like them. I watch them nurture, care for, guide their children to become good people. I watch my grandchildren with complete amazement.  I see their beautiful minds at work to discover and create.

My children have become the most fascinating human beings on this earth to me. I wake up every morning thanking God for the gift of creating such fine human beings. They are my greatest creations but the credit belongs to them on becoming who they are today.

Yes I still have my regrets but I do not let it consume me today. I am working on being a better Mom and grandmother. I am far from perfect but I am as perfect as I can be.

It’s a confusing day…

Saying goodbye to a relationship that no longer serves me isn’t always an easy thing to do, but it’s the right thing to do. It is time to move on and I am determined to do just that. It’s a great time to make changes in my life. But then again, when isn’t it a good time. I need to discard the people, places and things that no longer work for me or that are just holding me back with toxicity.

I don’t want to be someone’s resentment, their source of anger, hate or jealousy. But I have to remember that I do not have control over anyone’s feelings or actions. I sometimes forget that we all have our own power on what to expect and accept from other

So, with that being said, I am moving on because, that is the only way for me to change. I welcome change. It’s a little scary for me, especially at my age. No, I’m not saying I am old. Just older. Trying to get with the times. Lol. I don’t know. It’s a new challenging journey for me. Finding out more things about me.  It’s all about me !!!!!  

Have you ever had a conversation with your BFF and tell her something that you discovered about yourself and she knew all along? Yeah, I have those kind of BFF’s. I want to know why they didn’t share that with me. Seriously, I want to know. They share everything else!! LOL!! They are the best. But, finding out something about yourself is like walking for the first time. It’s exciting!! Well that is where I am today.

I do not know if this is at all making any sense to anyone. I sometimes wonder about myself too. But you gotta love me!! Because there is only one of me. God threw away the mold for sure. If you want to continue to follow me and would like to add some input, please do. I love a good conversation. Love and Light ~ Susan

Getting off track

Starting over after 60 can be exciting or it can be scary. Take your pick. But I think at any age starting over is not simple. I know for me my journey has had me start over so many times, I’m starting to feel like a pancake. Flipping and flopping. Put a little syrup to sweeten it up for a minute. Add some more butter to fatten me up or clog my arteries.

Sometimes my journey feels like a box of chocolates or it could be a bowl of cherries. But wherever my journey takes me, I know that the Universe will align me and direct me in the direction I am suppose to be heading. I might take a left or a right turn, but I get right back on that path.

My spirituality has seem to take a left turn. Feeling empty and lonely when re-discovery first begins but, I have to remember that it doesn’t happen over night. I’ll have my bad days thinking it sucks. That there isn’t any higher power. I have to learn to give myself a break when I feel like I’m slipping back into the negative. It’s ok not to feel so spiritual 100% all of the time. I’m human. I mess up at times. Just like everyone else. But as long as I don’t stay in that negative neighborhood, I’ll be ok.

Does anyone else get those feelings at times? And if you do what do you do to get back on track of believing in yourself again. Believing things are going to be going forward again. Love and light ~ Susan

Losing the weight…

I’ve been treated badly throughout my life. I have allowed myself to be treated badly. No more. You see, it’s called dropping the weight. Not just physically, but mentally too. No more toxic people, places or things that I had allowed to be in my life. I had to learn to take responsibility of my life and stop allowing other outside influences to run it.

The progress I am making to ensure my life to be a happy one isn’t easy. Nothing is easy. Trying to self motivate to get to the gym. To start eating healthier and to make healthier decisions, that’s progress. I am in love with the progression of my life. It has brought on good feelings about myself and others. My good feelings mean that the Universe is telling me “Good for you.” My good feelings is what the Universe is giving back to me. The bad feelings are to get my attention so that I will change what I am focusing on.

I have been focusing on too many negative things. Now that I am focusing on positive things, it’s like seeing everything for the first time. The awakening of my soul. A new level of consciousness. The wonderment of my soul. My cycle of negativity has been broken . I know now there is new beginnings for me and I found my true faith in the Universe. I had to break free from what was holding me down. It’s like I finally broke through a brick wall and I am finally feeling the excitement for life.

I do not know if my experiences helps anyone, but I sure do hope so. If so, please leave a comment. I would love to hear from you. Love and light ~ Susan

It’s a new day …. and loving it.

Today is going to be such a great day! I say that every morning to myself and that usually happens. Back in the day, as the kids say it today, I could never really say that to myself. Coming from a lot of dysfunction, self doubt, no self love or respect, drug and alcohol abuse, it wasn’t a thing I could say. But being in recovery from abuse on so many different levels, it has changed my life. Living one day at a time, not just existing. Dreading each day was my norm.

After 32 years of rediscovering myself, I have found a new way to live. There was a lot of mountains to climb and valleys that I got lost in. It wasn’t easy but with the help from different organizations, people I met on the way, journaling, reading and practicing a new way of thinking, my life got better.

Today, I get up every morning and say Thank you for everything. Remaining grateful has brought me to feeling love of self and others. I had to change my world and in doing so, it changed the way I feel inside. It’s an inside job. Life started happening. I didn’t feel like I was just existing. I found my purpose in life and I am loving each and every moment.

‘Twas the night before Christmas

It was the night before Christmas and all through the house…. ALL the creatures were stirring. Still wrapping presents and hurrying up before Santa comes. Hmmm….. I thought??? Never mind. Christmas music playing and we are singing along. Watching everyone having smiles on their faces. Although in Florida you will not see much snow but there are Christmas lights on the houses and palm trees. So it doesn’t matter how or where you celebrate this Holiday Season, keep that beautiful smile shining. Keep the love for one another coming.

We still have New Year’s Day coming but let’s continue the love for one another through out the year’s to come. Happy Holidays!!! Love, Susan

Jacksonville 2016

Happiness Within

Thank you for all my needs being met in every single moment. Right now my need for coffee, spiritual guidance, quiet time, self reflection, food, shelter, is being met. I have been putting to high of an expectation on myself. Instead of just accepting for what I could do at that moment and time, I should have been building up my life. I would find myself putting myself in jail. I would feel like there was bars all around me.

I have plenty of people in my life. They are from all over the country, family and friends. I have been all over the country, moved to different cities and states. I have owned homes, had plenty of boyfriends, ate to much, ate to little. Drank too much, drugged too much. I became a mother of four beautiful children but could not step up to the plate to be a mom. I was always searching for something, someone. But what I did not know at the time was, that I was searching for me. I didn’t know that if I looked inside I might have found what I had been searching for all my life.

Things will not make me happy. My frequency on getting in touch with myself, learning more about myself, accepting who I am…that will make me happy. Nobody can make me happy. Not a house, car, people, places or things will ever make me happy.

What makes me happy finally is feeling my feelings. Allowing myself to feel other people’s feelings towards me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can breathe now. I can smile with pure happiness behind it. I can laugh and laugh hard to the point where I just might pee my pants. LOL!! But this all started when I realized I need to stop running because, I was trying to run away from myself. But, I was always still there.

It might have taken me awhile to get where I am right now, but you know what? It will take as long as it will take. I will not give up on myself today. Try saying that to yourself. No matter what you will not give up on yourself and keep growing, keep learning, keep loving and always stay grateful.

The Magic of Life

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Life is never ending. You go from the world of the flesh into the world of spirit. I love it. It is so magical. Every day a new beginning, a fresh start. Every minute or every second is a fresh start. I usually have my coffee in the morning, say good morning to the day and give thanks to the Universe for another day. I love life. It’s so magical. If you ever get the chance just to sit and watch everything , be present in the moment, everything happens simultaneously but in order. It’s perfect.

Life is filled with certainty. I feel that but the sad part is I can’t see what is coming next. Lol. I am sure there are plenty of people that would like to tell me what is in their crystal ball but, the Universe holds the secret to my future. But in the mean time I am going to move forward, have a day that is filled with magic.

Speaking of Magic. I am reading a book titled “The Magic” by Rhonda Byrne. She is the author of the series and film “The Secret”. If you ever get the chance to read and are looking for a little bit of guidance or suggestion in rediscovery, this is a series you will not be able to put down.

I will not tell you about it because, that would take all the fun out of it. It would be like telling you the ending of a good movie. So, what are you reading to help put more magic into your life? Tell me, please!!!

Love and Light


Imagine

Imagine your life as you dreamed it would be.  “Imagination is everything: it is the preview of life’s coming attractions” – Albert Einstein. Imagine all the excitement that you would feel if you won the lottery. How would you feel? Amazed, excited, free, abundant, accomplished, successful. Mix your imagination with all those feelings with an abundance of gratitude. I am feeling that feeling now. No, I haven’t won the lottery so don’t be coming at me as a long lost relative. Lol. But, if you can imagine those feelings, you manifest the reality of your dreams. If you can imagine receiving it will manifest your dreams. Make your gratitude list as if you already received. Also, make a gratitude list for today. Life is so beautiful, just imagine it.